FanFiction In Our Hearts

My Yes, My No by LolaShoes

Following the theme of my last ”monthly” this, too, is an alternate version about how the reunion in New Moon might’ve happened.

Everything has a start, and this fiction is started by Bella having to answer yes or no.

“Am I too late?”

This story explores both possible outcomes of Bella’s answer, aswell as the heartbreak that might follow…

“Love isn’t all sunshine and roses. Not even when your answer is yes…

“Bella,” he croaked. “Oh God.”

I felt tears burn in my eyes but looked up to keep them from falling. That opening could start a thousand variations of heartbreak.

He pressed my hand to his lips and kissed my palm, hard and desperate. “God I missed you. I missed you more than I can possibly articulate.”

I rolled the words over in my head, feeling them, hearing them in different contexts. They didn’t mean he wanted me. He could miss my scent. He could miss my companionship. He could miss the quiet I provided.

But it didn’t feel like that was what he was saying.

My chest splintered but my heart stuttered. Once-brittle shards of cardiac tissue – pieced together so haphazardly in the past months – remembered that it had once been vital, beating flesh and threatened to beat again.

“Edward, you broke me,” I whispered, not even having the strength or sense to protect my unclothed pain. “I’m barely keeping it together. Please don’t say things like that.”

In an instant his arms were around me and I was in his lap. He climbed back into my window seat farther and leaned close to me, his breath familiar and cold and sweet and his on my face. It was altogether too much. I didn’t care where we were or who was around us. I didn’t care what form of heaven or hell I was walking towards, what form of torture it would be to recover from the feel of his arms around me. I needed this.

“Forgive me,” he murmured, anguished.

My hands wound in his hair and I pressed my face to his neck, sucking in the smell of him, pressing my nose against his throat. His body was hungrier than I remembered, his hands were less controlled. He pivoted me so I was straddling him, and his lips pressed into my hair as he moaned my name softly. Strong hands pulled me close to him before running up my back and down over my hips and to my thighs.

I felt the hands I remembered so vividly, longed for so acutely, move back to my hips and pull me closer against him and I gasped against his skin. I lifted my head and opened my eyes to meet his, realizing he had never closed them.

Reality enveloped us and in an instant our position, our proximity felt too surreal. I saw us as if a camera panned from the scene: he was shaken and traumatized, he was clinging to me falsely. It was too dangerous for me to let him touch me like this after everything he had been through. Whatever relief he felt after our encounter in Volterra was making him do this. He would regret this and it would crush me.

I slid my hips back and away from his. I pressed my hands to his chest and shook my head. “Edward? Just be honest with me again. You were right to be honest the first time.”

He looked at me, horrified. “I was anything but honest. I was anything but real with you in the woods.” His eyes searched mine, frantic. “Bella, I can’t even find the shape of the words I need to beg you to forgive me.”

I shook my head and my arm reflexively pulled my hand away from him, wanting to gather my appendages in a protective gesture against the cloud of confusion.

“Please don’t,” he whispered, reaching for my hand. “God, please…”‘

Takes it beginnings on the plane back from Italy.

Very good piece of angst, with some nice (if possible more angst-y) lemons thrown in the mix. Edwards does everything he can to make Bella see that he still loves her, has always loved and and sooner die than let her go again.

The outcome of this is a relationship buildt more of equality and understanding for eachothers feelings. It’s quite a beautiful thing to behold really, and an interesting heartbreaking journey to get there.

I give it a 10 out of 10, now you go see what you think!