Posted by: Josephine | December 29, 2008

A Changing Heart

A Changing Heart by blondie AKA robin

This story made me cry. At 5.30 in the morning. That’s a top grade if I ever saw one.

Takes place between Book 2 and 3 of Breaking Dawn, during Bella’s transformation. Told from Edward’s perspective.

“She’s not here anymore. The words flashed through Jacob’s mind as his hands weakened, unable to fight for Bella’s life any longer.

The hell she’s not, my thoughts screamed in reply. She promised to keep her heart… our heart beating. I wasn’t going to let her give up, even if he could.

“Go, then,” I spat. Get away from her, you bastard. I slapped Jacob’s hands away, barely registering the snap of his bones breaking. And he thought I was a traitor? I pressed against Bella’s tired heart, forcing it to move the thick venom through her system.

Jacob stepped back, mindlessly turning toward the door, shrouding himself in premature mourning. And Bella had counted on him?

“She’s not dead. She’s going to be fine,” I said as a dismissal. I won’t let her die. I won’t let us die.

“Bella, my love, stay with me, you have to fight,” I whispered. Her heart didn’t respond, and her lungs were deathly still. I stopped only to blow a fresh supply of oxygen into her chest. As my hand returned to encouraging her heart, the furnace in my throat raged. Her blood was everywhere, bathing her naked form, covering my hands, coating my lips. The scent and flavor that had drawn me so intensely before, didn’t entice me any longer. The burn in my throat was not one of desire, but of the hell I was so close to entering.

“Bella, I love you; stay with me, please,” I begged. Jacob’s mind intruded again, as he remembered the horror he’d just witnessed. Was there nothing I could do to help her return to me?

I heard Jacob’s thoughts crumbling… Maybe I was begging for the wrong things. Anything… I would do anything to keep her with me. “Bella, you promised Jacob you would keep your heart beating… he needs you. Please, you can do it.”

Nothing. Bella’s face was blue now, the face of death. The compressions had broken nearly all of her ribs, and the sound of her bones grinding together overpowered nearly everything else. No, she can’t die! We can’t die… and then I heard it.

A soft coo, and Rosalie’s responding murmur. She is so beautiful, she thought. Our baby was content, the whispers of her thoughts focused on the cup at her lips. I should be comforted by that, by this new life. I’d held my daughter only for a moment, had felt her heart reach out to mine – but without Bella, there was no future for me. The cold reality was an ice dagger in my chest. Rosalie would have the daughter she always wanted, and I would perish with my wife, my love, hopefully consumed in the same flames that cremated this body – this beautiful body I had beaten to death with my own hands. The image of Bella’s battered face filled Renesmee’s mind, and my heart ached with her need for her mother. I tried one last time.

“Bella, you have to live for our daughter, she needs you most of all. Live for Renesmee.”

Just as I caught Jacob’s murderous thoughts and lifted my head, Bella’s heart twitched against my pounding, bringing my life into focus for one instant. I continued the compressions, but felt another twitch, and then her heart began to beat on its own.”

It’s weird how my liking for Breaking Dawn changes by the day. At first I was like; Gah, why the angst!?! And then I was like; Where the heck are all the fluffy Edward moments? And then for a short (looooong) while I was more like; Damn Stupid Fade Out!

But I think that I just needed some fanfiction to really understand the book. It’s like the ending of the second season of Robin Hood. My family actually thought I’d gone mental or something, as much as I cried over Marian. My sister still speaks about those first days, when I litteraly couldn’t even go outside. I still can’t watch that final episode, but I think I’ve come to terms with what happened.

And that’s how I think I’m beggining to feel about BD. There was just sooo much to digest! I mean, Nessie! Plot twist I never thought would happen! And you shouldn’t forget that it was the last book, so I had to get some closure as well. Which I still don’t think I’ve gotten, since the ending was kind of dissapointing. I wanted to see them go to a new school and that stuff! Ah well, as I said, I needed some therapy and fanfiction was the right remedy!

And, before I forget. Did anyone see that there’s a Robert Pattinson doll on stardolls.se? It’s a swedish site, but I think there must be some international version somewhere. Now you can play dress up with your favourite vampire/wizard/god! But isn’t that like amazing! Iiiip!


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