Have I been hanging with Sara too much when I find myself craving some good angst? (Course not, you can never spend too much time with her J ) But I found this before I had to get to work this morning. Not the best way to start your day if you want to be able to smile at the children (I work in a nursery, if you’re interested). But it’s wonderfully heartbreaking. Perfect angst. In Edward POV, which makes it even more angsty. I think it’s so sad that he seems to loathe himself so much. Poor Edward! Let me tell you I totally agreed with the author in her note at the end. Read and found out what she said!
Oh, perhaps I should say what the fic’s about. Well, it’s the break up scene in New Moon in Edward’s POV.
But it was too late. I already had.
“You’re not good for me, Bella.” I lied, the words curdling my stomach. If only she knew just how perfect she was for me, in every way. How she’d transformed my dark life. How my world would be utterly void of anything worthwhile once she left it.
I clenched my teeth together, biting back the words that were threatening to burst out of my mouth.
Bella! I longed to shout. Bella, I love you. Bella, please don’t let me go.
Please don’t let me go.
“If… that’s what you want.”
I knew this would be the only word to issue from my mouth if I allowed myself to speak, so I merely nodded. One nod, and I’d consented to my death. From that moment, I was no longer truly alive. I was a shadow of what I had been in Bella’s presence.
Bella had given me life. So many decades after my heart had first stopped beating, it had started to move again. Started to awaken.
Now, with that one nod, it was silenced. Cold and dead and painful. I wondered if the pain would stop once I could no longer see her. How could she believe me? How could she allow this to happen?
Beg, Bella. Beg. Please, please beg. I could never refuse you if you begged.
I couldn’t move. My body was numb. Through the hazy pain of my still heart I realised there was one more thing I had to do before I broke down completely.
“I would like to ask one favour though, if that’s not too much to ask.”
I had to keep looking at her. This could be the last time I ever saw that face: the face of my salvation.
No. Not could be. Would be.”
Am I the only one laying on the floor bawling right now? Gah! I’m so gonna need some serious fluffiness to survive. Otherwise I might go all emo on you.
But, can I just say something really quick. I just (last night, but whatever) found out that Robert Pattinson apparently can speak French! Iiiiip! Only on a three year olds level (according to himself) but still! I love French! I can speak French! We can speak French together! And do the laundry! In the same interview he claims that he doesn’t know how to use a washing machine. But that won’t matter, ’cause I could to all his laundry. And the cleaning. And the cooking (even though I know he doesn’t eat very much. But he’s sooo skinny!) And take care of all his (cough our cough) children. (I know he doesn’t like children, but he hasn’t met me, so I haven’t had the chance to persuade him that children are heaven.) A girl can dream, right. ’Cause I do. A lot. 😀