Posted by: Josephine | October 12, 2008


South by princesswingnut

In my last post, I made it quite clear that I am feeling quite angsty atm. So, what else to do than read some more angst?

This is seriously the most angsty Twilightstory I’ve read. Ever. I cried all the time I was reading it.

The story is basically what would have happened if Jasper had killed Bella on her eighteenth birthday. If Edward hadn’t been able to stop him.

“The thing is, I am just really good at killing people.

I can feel the way they all blame themselves, the way their eyes are when they look at me. Like, I know I could have done something to stop this. They’re all thinking it silently but in unison, I should have seen it. I should have stopped it.

They couldn’t have stopped it. Even if they had seen it coming they couldn’t have stopped me. You have to understand, I’m not saying this with any pride, it didn’t exactly help things in this case. It’s just dry fact—that I am the best of them when it comes to this. Edward is the best at playing the piano, Emmett is the best at catching fly balls. I am the best at killing people. And so when I went for Bella Swan on her birthday, I killed her. They could not stop me.

Of course they shouldn’t have had to. We are supposed to be civilized now, tame. People and not animals—we are supposed to be able to control ourselves. And we can. Everyone can but me.

But then, they’ve always known that, too. When we pass a warm body I’m the first person they look to, the careful safety net of everyone make sure Jasper’s okay. I’ve always been the high-water mark. They never quite got the scope of it, though, exactly how bad it was for me, not even Alice, not even Edward in my head. I surrounded myself with them like a wall, like a moat, and I studied them to figure out what the secret could be. They were all fine, always in control. If they could do it, I could do it. I was not special. I was not weak. I could do this.

Except I couldn’t. Who was I kidding, I was weak. So when Bella cut her finger at her birthday party and held it up to see the blood beading on the surface of her skin, I was there before she ever saw it. Instead she saw me, slamming into her and barreling her backwards, my teeth in her throat. Edward would have stopped it but he couldn’t, would have sold whatever was left of his soul to stop it, but this was the one night he wasn’t standing close enough. I tackled her and the wall behind us was not strong enough to stop us—we punched straight through it, half window half wall with glass hailstorming down with us as we hit the ground. I rolled when I hit, her body tucked safely within my roll, she was my prey, I kept her blood safe. And I bent to her neck like a lover and drank it from her.”

You know it’s bad, when the only thing you’re waiting on (the only good thing) is for Edward to commit suicide. What makes it even more horrible (at least I think so) is that it’s written in Jasper’s POV. My three favourite characters in Twilight, is in fact, Edward (duh) Bella, and Jasper. So to have all of them hurting extremely (well, Bella is dead, but you get the point.) is just plain awful! And Alice reaction to the whole thing is like… Oh, I don’t won’t to spoil it!

But, you have to read it! So everyone can understand how glad we are for the super fluffy ending that was Breaking Dawn. Then read fluffy one-shots or you might go all emo.


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