The Small Print by Couqettishness
Okay, really funny story. Edward talks on his phone while driving, Charlie sees him, and arrests him. Seriously funniest ever. Me love it! Perfect antidote for all the angst I’ve been reading lately.
Ah, anyhow, Edward gets sentenced to community service. But there aren’t that many things that needs to be done in Forks. (And Edward refuses to work with kids. They smell funny. Ha!) So he goes to this crazy man with a goat farm. Then some really freaky stuff happens, and this fic changes category completely. But I won’t tell you anything about that, don’t wanna spoil it!
There was a sharp sigh on the other end of the line. “Charlie arrested me,” Edward repeated, his voice strained and annoyed. “It’s ridiculous.”“
Oh. That’s what I thought you said.” I set down the spoon I was using to stir the sauce and placed a hand on my hip, weight shifting onto one leg. Well, that certainly wasn’t what I had expected to hear when I’d picked up the phone. It was true that Charlie had never really forgiven Edward for leaving me high and dry for so many months … and then returning to town once again to take up all my time. But the idea of Charlie abusing his badge just to get back at my off-and-on boyfriend seemed a little beyond the norm.
In fact, the only thing that made any sense was that Charlie had brought Edward in because he had actually done something worthy of an arrest. That was a little disconcerting.
“You didn’t kill anyone, did you?” I asked, perhaps a little more casually than I should have.
“Because you can tell me if you did.”
“Oh, be sensible, Bella. It’s nothing. Really. Like I said before, utterly ridiculous.”
And yet I remained skeptical. There was always the more obvious conclusion. This was Edward Cullen we were talking about after all.
“Were you driving?” I asked.
“Well … maybe.”
“Were you speeding?” Then I interrupted myself to answer my own question. “Wait, what am I saying? Of course you were speeding. Silly me.”
A pause, then a careful reply. “Not at that particular moment I wasn’t. You know I have a built-in radar. When I encountered him, I was going forty-two miles an hour. That’s three less than the posted limit.”
“Then what did you do wrong?”
He growled, low under his breath. “I was … oh, it’s so absurd I don’t even want to say it.”
“Edward, I’m going to find out eventually.”
Another sigh, resigned this time. “I was talking on my cell phone while I was driving,” he said finally, all in one big rush.
“Oh.” My tone was light with relief. Was that all? “That’s illegal in Washington, you know. The hand-free law or whatever it’s called. You’re supposed to use one of those earpieces.”
“Well, I didn’t know that, did I? I wouldn’t have used my cell phone when anyone was around if I had.”
“Wait, he arrested you for that? That seems a little much.”
Edward cleared his throat, then continued in a low voice. “Well, that wasn’t all that went wrong.”
I turned the flame off on the stove and put a lid on top of the sauce. I had a feeling dinner was going to go uneaten tonight. “What else did you do? You didn’t mouth off to him, did you? Charlie gets really mad when reckless drivers do that.”
“I didn’t mouth off. I was painfully polite, as I always am to him. And I’m not a reckless driver.”
“Says you. Come on, what else did you do?”
Sorry for the really long excerpt. But I just find the whole conversation so funny! I love how Bella teases poor Edward. The characterisation is spot on, by the way. She’s by far my fav Twilight author. Might be why I’ve posted about so many of her stories. Just one left. (iiii).
The only thing is that her stories are quite mature. So don’t read them unless you are of age. This one’s safe though. No worries :D- Now go read and enjoy!