Posted by: Josephine | September 11, 2008

Now That Was Interesting

Perfect example of a story with great potential. It’s good, but, with the right beta-reader, it could be so much more than that. Interesting plot, and well written UST. But there are some spelling mistakes, and the language could use some beta-ing. But read it anyways!

“Squeezing her gently around the waist, he steps away to gaze mindlessly out the window, her arms released from him, she stands alone looking at him in the mirror as he walked away. She is consumed with a growing fear that something is seriously wrong. He walks to the bed, pensively and sat very still.
Unknown to Bella, he wasn’t trying to be difficult; he was struggling with a problem he was afraid to share and indecision griped him in fear. What do I tell her? How do I tell her?
“How will I know how to please you, Bella?” he blurted out quietly like a little boy. He was instantly terrified after the words were released, horrified and disgusted with his perverse curiosity and this bold inquiry into her sexual response.

My reflexive response didn’t help him feel any better.

“Excuse me…What did you just say?” I blinked my eyes repeatedly unsure that I heard him correctly.

I was startled by his question but more surprised he could ask it.

“But, darling…oh, Edward, you please me all the time. When ever you touch me, when ever you look at me.” The memory of the feeling of his electric fingers conducting heat between them made her blush a deep pink.

“You have to know that….” She smiled simply with her honest answer.

“But, Bella, I am not sure that I will know…so many human sensations have been lost to me…I don’t remember…who will I …” Edward was distraught, raking his fingers through his hair, violating the roots with abusive pulling, as if he wished he could remove the thoughts in his head through one strand at a time.”

 

 

 

I love how utterly nervous Edward is! Perfomance anxiety! Ah, sometimes he’s just so adorable! Iiiiiii, I just wanna hug him!

So, my lesson for today; Go find someone to beta for you. I’m embarrassed to say that I don’t have one. Any volunteers?

P.S. I totally missed that it was Rensemee’s birthday yesterday. Bad Twilight fan, Bad Twilight fan! But hey, I can make up for it on Saturday, when Bella turns 21! Yay!


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